The next step is Re-sensitization – awareness of one’s own inner emotional state, and the following step is similar but dependent on the first -Re-sensitization to the inner emotional state of other people, the real condition, not the one which appears in their propped up mask, persona or socially acceptable behaviour, but the deeper one which they hide from others, and the yet deeper one which they hide from themselves. Both of these will cause one to feel vulnerable, and cause one to have what appears to be ‘negative’ feelings and emotions – but you are not actually ‘having’ them, it is more accurate to say you are recognizing them. Usually what people do when such feelings and emotions and all the thoughts they generate start to surface, they seek some kind of distraction or release. Distraction is to be found in many forms from entertainment to work to games to habitual activities and routines and addictions, anything that can cause you to give your full attention to some external content that does not involve you then you do not have to feel or think, you do not have to change anything about yourself, or understand anything or deal with any issue or solve any problem.
Competition and violence are the two most popular forms of entertainment but these are no mere forms of distraction for they reflect a deeper rooted human/animal tendency.
Release in the form of Attack is more dangerous because that is where you find someone to be the recipient of your negative energy and you give it to someone else in some kind of emotional outburst and they then have to carry it around and either dissolve it in understanding, forgiveness and conscious love, or throw it at the next person. And the next person is not just anyone, but rather the release gets reserved for certain individuals in one’s life, usually close family members but also sometimes friends and work colleagues. People who are in a vulnerable situation, dependant and/or weak or soft by nature. That negative energy is being hurled from heart to hurt like fiery missiles, or like a big hot burning thorny fruit which no one wants to eat. Usually it can become localised in a particular relationship and people throw it at each other back and forth, over and over, making it bigger, and hotter and thornier with every cycle, and yet externally with other people they can appear normal and maybe they don’t even throw their negativity or release emotional energy on others but the toxicity and inner violence can and will be felt by others at a very low almost imperceptible level.
So how can i release without aggression and hurting someone else?”
Re-sensitization is difficult not merely because of the feeling of vulnerability and awkwardness but also because it is painful during the first few steps or phases, as you begin to allow yourself to feel again, you begin to feel your way back into your own surface and then deeper state, and at first it is disorientating, yes, you will feel a resurgence of many repressed emotions which were buried for too long, and they may surface explosively from the unconscious depths in waves of uncontrollable sadness, or anger, or grief, or whatever the nature of the repressed pain body, and the intensity, duration and frequency of the original traumatizing experiences. But if approached carefully and with the help of an empathic and skilled friend or professional psychologist, you can find a way into this volatile area without the volcanic eruptions, you can decompress that zone within your psyche where so much of your energy and beauty and virtue, in fact all the best parts of you, have been locked away for so long. Your ability to feel deeply and expansively is also trapped and longs to be free.
Your capacity to trust and to experience true intimacy in relationship is also locked away there.”
The human brain is a remarkable flexible and adaptable organic machine and it can work around the ‘scar’ it can create new pathways and new networks and new patterns around the traumatic pattern. You can continue to function and will appear very normal but there will always be that unknown, un-name-able something that seems to hold you back from being… happy, complete, satisfied, and from having real and meaningful relationships. Because that part of the mind which is capable of Trust has been damaged and shut down. The earlier in a person’s life the trauma occurred the more deeply rooted the psychological problem remains, and the harder it is to treat it, to allow it to surface, to penetrate into that dark and terrifying place. Psychotherapists find that they can actually treat such cases and it is never easy. The suffering hidden in there is not something that they want to feel, relive, re-experience and because of the nature of the repression, it can come back to conscious memory with very vivid fullness, and even the gradual approach to the issue or visits to the dark deserted city in the mind, can induce great anxiety and fear. But it has been established that there is no way around the issue, you cannot build a highway through the ghost town… the only way to deal with it is to firstly introduce healthy positive experiences and a strong conceptual framework for understanding what has happened then to unrepress or enter into the dark city. If you only do the first part you may build some basis for true relationship and trust, and may appear to function at a better level but at a more deeper foundational level you have not yet healed the core…
…you have not freed the true you that is captive in the dark city.”
Some people’s experiences are extremely traumatic. Not everyone has to endure such things in life, but what happens with the majority of people is that we experience many minor ‘traumas’: physical and emotional attacks, betrayals, assault, teasing, bullying, ridicule, belittling, shouting, hiding, control, suppression of our individuality and will, etc etc, this list goes on and on. Out of every one you have ever known there is probably not a single person you can say that has not been hurt or hurt others in some way… in fact the only people you can point to in human history who have been a source of healing rather than suffering are the messengers and saints, the pure ones. So even though the experience is not as sudden and terrible as in the case of severe trauma, the cumulative gradual effect eventually does something very similar and causes also emotional and social shutdown that eventually results in ‘numbing’ or desensitization.
Can you really live and function normally in this world if you were not desensitized to some extent?”
Every day we witness the horrors of crimes and wars and abuses on ‘other’ people, real severe trauma inflicted on our fellow human beings, sometimes even people we know. If we were to feel what everyone feels would we not be plunged in the darkest nightmare? But if we are so benumbed in the midst of everyday life we will not be able to know the feelings of others, something that is so important for real social interaction and therefor real relationship. If you do not know or rather, you have been so desensitized that you cannot see what you are doing to others than it is possible to inflict suffering on others and perpetuate this sad cyclical pattern, that one generation plays out to the next. Again an extreme case of this is certain people who have been so badly traumatized and experience such deep rooted socio-emotional shutdown and desensitization, are able to perpetrate real serious trauma of the same or similar kind on others. They are passing it on and it takes someone who is truly conscious to end the cycle and really heal that… to bring it to a center and dissolve it completely.
…the primordial wound that has been oscillating down the generations”
The majority of people have to deal with the accumulated generalized suffering that everyone inflicts on everyone. And so to deal with this is in a way even harder that the case of trauma in that you cannot point to one particular memory or experience, but yet there is still that dark city where one is held captive. Your first reaction would be: “maybe for others, but not me. I’m fine, I’m not perfect and I can improve on certain things but I’m just cool”. That’s the ego’s natural reaction to anything that threatens its sense of self, its illusory sense of ‘completeness’ and ‘rightness’ and justification for its continued state of suffering and inflicting suffering on others. But in order to see the truth of this assertion one needs only look at ones feelings, at any given moment, or more especially at times when things go ‘wrong’. Feelings of resentment, bitterness, anxiety, nervousness, self pity, anger, shouting, cursing, tension and increased heart rate, but less perceptibly a kind of retreating, withdrawing and hiding within one’s private thoughts and feelings… on the one hand wanting to externalize and release these emotions but on the other not wanting others to see the ‘weakness’ and ‘failure’ so when someone says “Good morning, how are you?” and you reflexively say “I’m fine and you?” you know deep down that you’re not fine, or maybe you don’t even know it or admit it to yourself. People are desensitized from, not only other people’s feelings and emotions, but also their own. So even though there’s a very low level subliminal pre-conscious awareness that all is not well, it cannot come to conscious realization without RE-SENSITIZATION and this is where we feel most vulnerable.
We have to first be re-sensitized to our own feelings and emotions before we can truly connect with others.“