“Let it Go”

Lessons from Disney’s “Let it Go”

“Let it go, let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore…”

Is about releasing what has been repressed and kept hidden. Its not about ‘forgive and forget’ and It’s not about continuing the pretense and status quo. You can’t keep up the sham forever; the truth inside you, the truth of who you really are, is a power and a pressure and the more you deny it the more it wants to burst forth!!!

“Be the good girl you always had to be. Conceal don’t feel, don’t let them know, but now they know.”

How do we heal the rift or fragmentation that happens to us somewhere between ‘what they think’ VS ‘what I feel’ or ‘what I have to hide in order to fit in and not upset others’ VS ‘what I feel inside and the gifts that I have’. It’s about showing who you really are. We cannot accomplish that by hanging onto and trying to please everyone and our tormentors and abusers. You have to create space for yourself to know who you are, apart from all those negative limiting influences. Elsa felt the tantalizing release of all that was locked away, and it was the first step in her healing and individuation process, but she still had to find a way to bring it back into relationship with others.

“Only an act of true love can thaw a frozen heart!”

You can’t beat darkness with more of the same or similar. The game changer is true love. But love has many faces and is shown in many ways. It is not just ‘forgiving and forgetting’ holding hands and kissy kissy huggy huggy… it usually involves sacrifice. That is the test of true love, what you are willing to sacrifice for the one you love.

What are you trying to say?

What I am trying to say is that each of us (some more than others) drags around the past all the time every day. It lives a deep life in us and through us in the present and disguises itself as our ‘personality’ or personas, the roles we act out in the games we play. The process of dismantling it is long and arduous and it involves decoding its programming in one’s mind, reclaiming and reintegrating lost parts of one’s psyche, learning to express rather than repress and gradually breaking the chains attached to one’s heart.
Has anyone ever ‘let go’ of the past simply by willing it, patching it, hiding or running from it. Releasing the past is hard work and it’s unpleasant to say the least. It is repressed after all becos it is the very thing you wanted to avoid and could not face when you were younger. But it is what we are here to do. It may well be all that we are really here to do… But instead we will seek distraction and entertainment and hide behind our defense mechanisms and stratagems but life will force us to face it someday, sooner or later it will surface, inevitably, and when it does, only those who are or have been willing to face it and grow and change will come out of it alive. And by alive I don’t mean walking talking eating breathing, I mean really alive… living life and really feeling and knowing and being and loving. Those who resisted, fought, repressed, and built up elaborate defenses and barriers against it, will have their world shattered and they will have themselves plunged into the abysmal nightmare.

Abuse, Family, I12BF3, Relationship

The Abuser

Are you loved… or are you feared?”

Surprisingly many people cannot tell the difference. They somehow mistake fear for love. So let me rather ask:

Do you want to be feared… or loved?”

Abusers have many methods and techniques of controlling the dependent people in their lives. They use ridicule, humiliation, and verbal, emotional and physical violence to get what they want, to have their way, or just to vent their frustrations, but they also enjoy the power, they get a kick out of it, a thrill, a high, and they crave that mixed feeling of superiority, control, being feared… basically power. They have no feeling sense for the other person, the victim of their assault or tirade, be it their child, or sibling, or parent, or colleague or whoever, and they have no conscience, or the inner guide which alerts them when they have transgressed someone’s rights or done something wrong. No outer guide either because everyone around them is so afraid of them… someone may speak out sometime, but they see this merely as a rebellion that needs to be squashed. Anyone who challenges them is inherently wrong, and needs to be broken down, that is the form of their moral code.

Because they have built up elaborate walls of fear and distrust between them and those who are closest to them, they have to maintain what looks like the very solid invincible persona of the infallible power, but actually it is frail and fragile, it is the essence of weakness masquerading as strength or power. Incapable of real, sincerity and empathy, they are incapable of the vulnerability that love requires, but they also want to be loved so they compensate by doing other things, buying things, helping people, and this gives them something like a feeling of being needed and appreciated, and… loved. They are happy that they can speak one of the love ‘languages’, even though it is the lowest and most selfish… giving to receive. Outwardly with other people in certain circles, outside the home, they appear to be very pleasant, friendly, fun, funny… they can be very highly respected and well thought of by friends, extended family and colleagues, but the people closest to them see a very different side to them.

Like all these dictators who rise to power by cunning and aggressive methods and techniques, the household abuser makes everyone afraid of them and no one rebels because the abuser/dictator has the power to punish, and the abuser will use whatever means necessary to maintain their position, their hegemony. How do they become this way? They observe and experience their own parent’s pathology, and they imbibe those energies and energetic complexes and then they continue to operate the installed program independently autonomously.

The parent’s abusive behavior may or may not have been directed at the individual, they may have been abused themselves or the experience may have consisted primarily of witnessing or observing the routine, ritual, chronic abuse of the other parent or sibling. The person internalized it and accepted the patterning into their own framework and identity, and continued playing out the same or similar kinds of abuses and patterns of abuse on the dependent people around them, the one’s lower down than them in the power hierarchy who they could control and manipulate and break down to be subordinate. Usually the very same parent and sibling, but also often the abusive parent as they grow older will get some of their own medicine back from the abuser they created. And the two will probably continue their patterning onto the next… the third generation, and so it goes, on and on and on and on… until a conscious one comes along and ends the cycle.


‘Ur Special’ by SoulfulDrumKid

Bongani Mthimkulu

Another great musician for whom i have a tremendous amount of respect, Bongs and I became friends by one of the serendipitous meetings, we had a youth conference gig in Durban and our drummer bailed on us at the last minute and to ‘make up for it’ he gave me the number of another drummer who was ‘even better’ he gave me Bongani’s number. Unfortunately Bongani couldn’t help us out either on that one, well he wanted to but his manager refused, but he phoned me later and spoke with real sincerity thats very rare he said he liked my manner of speaking and dealing and wanted us to be friends 🙂

And so thats how it started, we began working on music together, we bought a drumkit, started jamming with different artists, recording in our own studio, playing gigs and events, just having fun, and i grew to admire him as an artist and as a wise and soulful kid, drum kid… mad skills on the drums, keys, guitar, any instrument he can pick up… and also in production, it was an honor and learning experience for me to watch him put together “Bambelela” his debut album, house or soulful house, but with diverse flavours and influences and such talented people that he featured – one of my favourite albums of all time!

One day we went to the lake with some friends, guitars and hookas and we jammed some tunes and just had a fun, free, happy afternoon and after the sun went down we went back to the studio and he was deeply in some songwriting mode, the spirit was moving in him… he was downloading something big… i had never seen anyone write such beautiful and powerful, yet simple and catchy lyrics, and when he was done he disappeared into the studio and only emerged the next morning… “U Special” was born that night… its one of my fav songs, and i turn to it to lift my spirits and it never fails. Thanks to this song i really do feel special and beautiful!

Throughout the time i have known him he has always been playing for and serving the church and he continues to do so. His love for Christ is inspiring and the light in his eyes and the magic in his fingers makes me believe that Christ consciousness fills his heart to the point of outpouring. I remember the first time he came home and met my family he just amazed me with his confidence, care, and genuine warmth, and won everyone over – there were no racial barriers at all – he really connected with my mom. He’s a super cool guy, and one of my best friends. It was a pleasure to spend a fun day with him just tagging along, a day in the life of… SDK. I hope you enjoy it!





Jasmine my Princess

Jazzy combines a few stories for Rohan… she likes it when i tell her stories at bedtime and her favourites are the story of Baby Bop Red Riding Hood, and how David slew the lion and Goliath… and also the movie Frozen, how Anna goes in search of her sister Elsa.

So she gave a very brief overview for her baby brother… spare him all the details, just the important bits…


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