Some people can control their anger. They also get stressed and upset like you and me but they have a mature way of dealing with it – managing their anger and resolving situations. They can tell the difference between people who are nasty to them and those who are good to them. These people received a good foundation early in life and so have a properly functioning emotional guidance system. It is a clear channel of energy in and energy out, and balance is maintained.
Those who got a bad foundation and whose emotional guidance system is malfunctioning have accumulated a lot of negative energy which has all been repressed. When a portion of it surfaces and is properly released there is no negative residue. But if it is not properly disposed of it results in more negative energy build up, and different kinds of negative energy accumulations including shame, guilt, remorse, fear, as well as the long list of all the offenses real and unreal, stored in the reactive memory.
We love our family and friends but we are so close that we tend to take each other for granted. We know that they’re not like other people out there, strangers and acquaintances, family and friends, who we have to be nice to and appear normal for or else if we are rude or nasty they will not like us and simply avoid us. But not our immediate family. They are stuck with us for better or for worse, whether we like it or not. People’s dark side or shadow side tends to come out in the privacy of the home.
Venting unfortunately, or fortunately doesn’t really work. It seems to but it doesn’t. Temporarily after the eruption and the storm has subsided and you settle down again, and you feel remorse about what you did and how you behaved, but you quickly want to move on and so you hope it can be conveniently swept under the carpet because now you’re feeling a lot better. That pressure seems to be gone, dissipated. But not long after, maybe a few days, maybe a week or two, and it starts building again, it starts rising again, and throw in a Tremor and Stressor or two you’re right back there in the very same place, ready to explode at an innocent victim. Why is that? What is this energy and where does it come from?
An angry person is not thinking clearly but does not want to remain in that state and so they ‘think’ that by dumping it all on another person they will be relieved and in some ways they are for a little while, when they get it all off their chest, but ultimately they have not really processed the Trigger or the Trauma but have just added guilt and remorse to the mix. Not to mention the trust that is being destroyed in the relationship/s.
The original Trauma is locked away so deeply that it is not consciously known and can never be remembered in any meaningful way. Under certain forms of therapy it can be accessed but most people are not even aware that they would benefit from therapy. The Trigger is usually known – people are aware when something or someone upsets them but often it is not possible to show anger towards those triggers/people (or one’s self) and so the angry person reserves this unconscious negative re-activity/energy for the dependent people in their lives, the soft and vulnerable people in their closest circles who have no other place to go:
- Close friends
- Employees and colleagues